The Dangers of the Library

It's taken me 7 months to finally figure it out: the library is a dangerous place for a single lady to go to alone. I've had experiences over the months that have led up to this conclusion, but today my thoughts were confirmed. Although it would be impossible to express the seriousness of the matter merely by telling stories, it's the best way I can think of to warn all fellow female BYU students to avoid the library like the plague.

From day one of my college experience I have studied on the fifth floor. I go there almost everyday; I guess you could say I'm a regular. I've made friends with fellow fifth floor regulars, so much so that we utter a brief 'hello' when we pass each other on campus through out the day. Our friendships have extended past the confines of the library, which in my opinion shows the potential for a lifelong friendship. Long story short, I'm comfortable on the fifth. It's kind of like home to me. Today I came to the harsh realization that the fifth has become a danger zone and I'm going to have to move base and find another sanctuary. It pains me.

There have been several experiences that have influenced my decision to change floors, however two of them have been so dramatic and I feel it is my duty to share them, in an attempt to warn other chicas of the crisis they may find themselves in if they venture to the fifth floor alone.

Experience #1: A typical Monday night, approximately 6:30 p.m. I was minding my own business, doing a little studying with my cousin sitting across the table from me. Next thing I know some chum has appeared out of no where and pulled up a chair next to me. He then proceeds to interrogate me on different characteristics and qualities I like in guys. (i.e. Do you like them to be smart or athletic? Doctor or Salesman? RM? etc.) After about ten questions I figured he was just doing a survey for a class or something of the sort. Oh no, I was very wrong. After I completed his verbal questionnaire he got a look on his face resembling the look a four year old little boy gets when his mom gives him a Popsicle. He then informed me that I answered all the questions exactly right and the description of my "perfect man" was a direct depiction of his brother. Was this guy really setting me up with his brother? I figured I could escape the situation and avoid a date somewhat easily by ignoring facebook messages I was promised I would receive in the near future. I was a little nervous to visit the library for the next week and for good reason. I ran into this kid three more times in five days. I finally had to break the news to him that I was flattered, however not interested.

Experience #2: Last week I was sitting on the same table on the same floor (that table has something against me) and someone came and sat on the same table as me, which is completely socially acceptable. It was when he passed me a note that I had a little problem with him. I thought I was out of that junior high phase of note passing. It was something that I never wanted to return to and I was forced into it against my will. Here is what the note said:
Him: Hey! I don't mean to intrude, but I see you up here on the fifth a lot studying, I haven't seen you in a while though. What are you studying?
Me: Physical Science...it's the death of me.
Him: Wow! Physical Science, that must mean you're super smart! I'm still trying to figure out what my passion is. What's your name by the way?
Me: Not that smart, just trying to get a GE out of the way. Stacie.
Sidenote: Keep in mind the poor kid is maybe 3 inches taller than me and about as fat as my thigh.
By this point I looked at the clock and saw that it was 2:50. Perfect timing to pack up my bag to get to a class. I'm not a skilled liar at all, but I went over it in my head and decided to give faking a class a shot. I stood up to leave, he was flustered and began writing on the note faster in order to hand it to me before I left. Weird. I briefly mentioned that I had to go to class, he stood up and said that he would walk me to class. Problem: I hadn't planned that far and wasn't sure what I was going to do regarding the location and room number of this so called class I lied about. He walked me down three flights of stairs and we had an indescribably awkward conversation. Luckily I ran into someone I knew on the third floor and was able to smoothly escape any further interaction with this kid.
Now we come to today. I was with my brother Alex and his friend Dan; we ventured up to the fifth just like every other day we study together. As we reached the top of the stairs I looked through the large glass doors and spotted my note-passing friend. I was nervous for a second and then remembered that I was with two guys and so wrongly assumed that I would be safe. We ended up sitting at a table a couple over and diagonal from him; I was sitting next to Dan and Alex was across the table from me. Alex already knew the history, so I quickly recounted the story to Dan and pleaded with him to pretend we were dating if this guy for some reason came over. He agreed only on the terms that I would set him up with a cute girl I know. It took me about .07 seconds to take him up on this offer. It was a very unproductive study session: every time note boy would look over at our table Dan and Alex were the first to notice and pull out all sorts of humorous jokes. At one point Dan left to print a paper out; I promise you that 3 seconds later my friend was out of his chair and kneeling at the side of my table. The first thing he said was a very enthusiastic "Hi!" perfectly paired with a high five. For those of you who don't know me well, I am so not into high fivers. I think they are unnecessary unless you have just won a competition. High fives as a greeting though? I think they were only acceptable through the elementary and junior high school years. In fact, if I remember correctly they were quite popular amongst the majority of kids in the 8th and 9th grades. The high five is completely unacceptable once you hit college. I almost refused to conform to his 8th grade gesture but when his hand remained high in the air for a good ten seconds I could see that he wasn't going to give up and eventually gave in and slapped his hand. He asked me a few questions and I gave the shortest responses and then he ended the convo by saying, "Well, in continuation of last week..." and proceeded to hand me a note. It took all I had to not bust up laughing. Then I looked at Alex and lost it. We did our very best to keep it subdued but there is a chance we failed miserably. The note said, "Hey! I realized that I did a less than stellar job of breaking the ice last week. How is everything going? Sorry about the note passing..." My thoughts: First, yes, you did do less than a stellar job, at least you can admit it. Second, clearly you're not sorry about the note passing because you continue to do it. Also, did he expect me to write back and walk 20 feet to deliver it. Fat chance of that happening. Just then, Dan comes back and I informed him what happened, that he failed me and the chances of me lining him up with someone were slim to none. He and Alex spent a good five minutes analyzing the situation and this guys tactics which caused me to erupt with laughter. After they had their fun, we glanced over and saw the high fiver packing up his bag to leave. Alex made the brilliant suggestion that Dan and I give the appearance of a boyfriend/girlfriend situation and I readily agreed in high hopes that he would see and get the hint that I'm so not interested. Dan and I scooted our chairs closer together, he casually put his arm around me and in order to look natural about it I started reading my hepe chapter to him. To make the situation more awkward than it already was, I randomly started reading the section about steroids and the side effects that come from the drug. Of course we started laughing and I'm sure it was very apparent that our "relationship" was completely staged. As my buddy was walking out I saw him looking at us with an appalled expression on his face. I hope it was a nice way of giving him the hint.

This experience was the last straw. The fifth floor is not for me anymore. It's quite sad because I've become very comfortable up there. Maybe I'll still visit it and just sit in a cubby rather than the open table.

So my friends, the moral of this story is that if you want a date from a creeper or just a good story to tell, go to the fifth. You're bound to get one.